


The Promise

by Trinity12



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I am not responsible if you spoil yourself, M/M, and select the chapter The Promise, go to my work Spoilery Stuff For, if you don't want to spoil yourself, just read :), rest of the tags contain clues for plotpoints, so if you want to spoil yourself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-09
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-11-10 11:05:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11125773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trinity12/pseuds/Trinity12
Summary: It has been nineteen years since they first met.Sixteen since they first slept together.Twelve since he was given the ring.Eight since they last saw eachother.Six since they last spoke.Five since he got the last letter.It is three hours until they will see each other again.Neither one knows it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my discarded ideas for this years j2 big bang (which I should be working on rn...) and it wouldn't leave my head until I wrote it down...  
> I will try to update regularly, I don't know it what intervals though. Might be weekly.  
> Header (and the character posters that will follow later) were made by myself :)  
> This is *drum roll* un-beta'd, so please forgive any mistakes.  
> I hope you enjoy!  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat

It has been nineteen years since they first met.

Sixteen since they first slept together.

Twelve since he was given the ring.

Eight since they last saw eachother.

Six since they last spoke.

Five since he got the last letter.

He looks into the mirror and for a second he wonders what Jensen would think of the man he has become.

He doesn't laugh as much as he used to. He does as expected of him, going through the motions like a robot. Pretends that he is fine, even though his heart stopped beating when he read the last letter.

Thirteen years of war change a person.

Absentmindedly he picks up the tie.

It is a deep blue. It reminds him of the dress Lady Sandra wore when he kissed her.

The kiss was quite unremarkable, like so many first kisses are, come to think of it.

He was thirteen and they were sitting in one of the gardens and in a split second decision he pressed his lips to hers. She bolted as soon as he drew back and to this day he thinks that the kiss might be the reason she was so vehemently against them getting engaged, defying their parents expectations. Her having a crush on Chad, son of the Lord of the North, might have had something to do with it as well. Whatever the reason, he was glad they didn't end up married.

After this disastrous first attempt he didn't try kissing for some time. When he did, which was not often, in fact it was about once a year, it always ended up being lackluster. The only thing it made him realize was that he didn't particularly like kissing girls.

No, the first kiss that was actually memorable was his fifth.

It wasn't even that spectacular, looking back it almost seems simple compared to those that followed.

Still.

It was the fifth kiss that finally meant something.

 

* * *

 

The bass is thrumming through Jared's body and he feels like turning around and never coming back here. Chad would laugh at him if he knew what he was doing. Jeff would too and then give him a lecture starting with the words: »What the Hell were you thinking? Don't you know how dangerous this is?«

As if Jared isn't fully aware of that.

As a sixteen year old he doesn't belong in the 'Oblivion', one of three nightclubs on the remote tropical paradise that is Pesca.

As the second son of Gerald Padalecki, King of Tar'An, he belongs there even less.

Tonight though his name is not Jared Tristan Padalecki, it is Anthony Valeska, and he is not barely sixteen, no, he is nineteen.

At least according to the fake ID Chad got him as a birthday present.

 

The club is filled with the rich and powerful of the world, the youngsters with parents who control entire countries, who have nothing better to do than getting shitfaced drunk and buying drugs with their enormous allowances.

The bouncer has waved him through without taking a second glance at the ID.

Here no one really cares about the rules. Why should you, when your status can get you out of anything?

Jared feels out of place between all the others, a face in the crowd that doesn't belong.

Maybe, maybe, he thinks, he should have just stayed in his suite.

But now he is here, and if this ends up being the only time he ever sneaks out he should make the most of it.

 

The bar seems like a good place to start.

He picks up a stray menu, which is sticky with substances he doesn't want to think about, flips through it and ends up ordering a Tequila Sunrise. He takes a sip, grimaces at the burn of alcohol and decides that the drink will now serve a purely decorative function.

By now his heart is hammering along the beat of the music, some techno song he doesn't know.

He watches the crowd, strobelights making everything look like it is stop motion, the girls grinding themselves against the guys as they sway from side to side in a poor imitation of a dance, when he spots _him_.

There is rythm in the guy's step as he makes his way over to the bar, hips swiveling as the song changes. He's got wide shoulders and a slim waist and he is tall, has to be around 6'1'', almost Jared's height. There is nothing insecure in the way he carries himself, nothing speaking of him being uncomfortable.

For a moment Jared toys with the idea of introducing himself. Then Gorgeous is close enough for him to make out his face and all thought of possibly hitting on him flies out the window.

He is so far out of Jared's league it is almost laughable.

The little umbrella in his drink suddenly seems quite interesting. That is until a voice near his ear makes him jump.

»Usually I would now drop a line along 'Do you come here often', but I know you don't. I would have noticed you.«

He turns his head to find himself almost nose to nose with Gorgeous.

He splutters. Gorgeous smirks.

Jared blinks, then decides to take another sip of his Tequila Sunrise. Judging by the way the alcohol still tastes disgusting and burns his throat he is awake.

»First time sneaking out?«

Damn him.

»Don't worry, I won't tell.«

The bartender hands Gorgeous his drink, who in turn salutes her with it. Then he turns his attention back to Jared who finally found his voice again.

»So what if it is? Every one has got to start somewhere, right?« He sounds more sure than he feels.

Gorgeous smiles. »I'll drink to that. I'm Jensen.«

Jared's mind is reeling. He can't just introduce himself with 'Tristan' or Gorgeous, Jensen, will immediately know who he is. He can't for the life of him remember the name on his fake ID right now.

So he extends his hand and replies: »Jared.«

They shake hands. There is no flicker of recognition on Jensen's face.

Never has Jared been more grateful that his middle name is the one he goes by in public.

»Nice to meet you, Jared. So...«, Jensen waggles his eyebrows. »Do you come here often?«

Jared laughs.

 

They end up talking, more like yelling above the music, until the early hours of morning.

Taking a look at his watch Jensen gently interrupts Jared's monologue on the importance of archetypes in movies. »Given that you snuck out you should get back before your parents wake up.«

Jared's face falls. It is a sound argument, but that doesn't change that he could spend a lot more time talking to Jensen. He doesn't remember laughing as much as he did this night in quite some time. He doesn't know a lot about Jensen, only that he is older than Jared and from Volta. And that he likes Science Fiction more than Fantasy and has a soft spot for simple folk songs. That he can't really stand the pop music in the charts. Likes papaya and despises avocado.  
Maybe he knows more about him than he thought.

Jensen's expression is fond as he continues: »Come to think of it, I should get going too. Walk you outside?«

Jared nods.

 

The quiet outside feels too loud after the constant noise of the club. They end up standing in the parking lot, Jared shuffeling his feet as he wonders if he should ask Jensen for his number. The only thing he knows is that he doesn't want to say goodbye and never see him again.

»You know, if you were older, this would be the part where I would kiss you.«

Jared's eyes snap up at the words. Jensen is smiling, but it doesn't really reach his eyes. Like he doesn't want to say goodbye either.

Jared shrugs. »Well, tonight I am nineteen, so...«

The skin around Jensen's eyes crinkles and God, Jared wants to see this smile as often as possible.

»You got a phone?«, Jensen asks then, holds out his hand.

»Sure!« Jared scrambles in his pockets for his burner phone. Another of Chad's birthday presents.

Gives it to Jensen and watches in fascination as he types in his number, the pink tip of his tongue poking out between his perfect white teeth as he concentrates.  
In the light of the streetlamp Jared notices the abundance of freckles on his face, scattered across his nose and cheeks.  
He is trying to figure out if they are also on his eyelids when Jensen snaps the phone closed and hands it back to Jared.

»Text me?«

»Of course!« Jared knows he sounds almost overly enthusiastic, the grin on his face probably looks dorky. He doesn't care. Jensen gave him his number. This is not going to be a goodbye. It is turning into a see you later. A promise of things to come.

Jensen moves so fast Jared nearly misses it and suddenly warm, soft lips press a kiss onto his cheek, gone as quickly as they came.

»Get home safe«, Jensen says and takes a step back.

»You too«, Jared replies, phantom tingle on his cheek.

»Will do. See ya«, Jensen puts his hands into the pockets of his jeans and disappears into the last dark of the night.

Jared's fifth kiss was not even a 'proper' kiss.

It still added a skip to his step all the way back to the hotel where he quietly slipped back into the suite, falling asleep just as the sun was peeking over the horizon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said I am going to try update once a week? Yup, that is still legit, but who cares if I throw in an update more every now and then, right? ;)  
> Hope you like it.  
> Thank you to everyone who has read and left kudos as well as thank you to Masja for the comment :)  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat

The sand beneath them is still warm even though the sun left the sky hours ago. The only light is the stars above them, the moon hiding, as a new moon does.

It's quiet except for the waves softly spilling onto the beach. Jared has his head resting on Jensen's belly, moving with the rise and fall of his breathing.

»So what happens now?«

Jensen doesn't know the right answer to Jared's timidly spoken question.

He knew this moment would come. It doesn't make it easier.

»We say goodbye.«

He doesn't want to. But it is not his choice.

Jared just nods in reply, bites his lip.  
  
His flight is leaving in a few hours. One way or another they are running out of time.  
  
Jensen can't stop himself from running his fingers through Jared's hair, who leans into the touch. It still amazes him how quickly they've gotten comfortable around eachother.

»Hey... We both knew this wasn't for forever when we met, no matter how bad we wanted it to be.«

»Yeah«, Jared still doesn't look at him.

»Look at it this way. We had three weeks. Twenty two days that nothing can touch, that will always stay perfect. A summer romance that we will look back on and smile because it wasn't ruined by our normal lives.«

»You are calling this a romance?«, Jared grumbles, making Jensen chuckle.

»What would you call it? We held hands and walked along the beach, we are cuddling right now, seems all a bit romantic to me... But it's okay if that's not- we can call it a friendship if you want.«

Jared sits up abruptly, Jensen's hand falling limply to his side. He sits up too.

»I don't want this to be just a friendship.« Jared is fiddling with his jeans. »It's just... You know what would make this even more perfect?«

Jensen sighs. He can guess what is coming. »Jared...«

»I mean, if we are not going to see eachother after this, then it shouldn't matter.« Jared continues before Jensen can even open his mouth to reply. »I know that you can't afford to get caught up in a scandal and neither can I, but it's not like we would be fucking or anything. It's just a kiss. You already kissed me once. Why can't you do it again? Just one kiss and this night would be perfect.«

He finally looks at Jensen and he looks so hopeful, so trusting. Jensen can feel his resolve crumble. He knows Jared is hiding something, some big secret, just like him. They agreed in the beginning to not talk about it. He is okay with it.

Enjoys just being Jensen. Not Jensen Ross Ackles, Prince of Volta. He doesn't want to know what would happen if Jared found out who he is.

He doesn't want to add another what if to his already long list of could have beens. It's the reason he even dared to kiss the boy in the parking lot, even with all rational thought speaking against it.

Jared is right. One kiss and the night would be perfect.

He can see that he takes too long to reply as Jared's expression dims and he is turning away again.

Jensen catches Jared's chin with gentle fingers, stopping the motion.

»Just one«, he whispers. He knows it's a lie.

Jared nods.

 

The boy's lips are as soft as they look, petal pink and supple. They fit against his like they were made only for that purpose.

Jared doesn't push, only brings his hands up to Jensen's face, slips his long fingers into his hair.

He opens up for Jensen and one small kiss turns into another and another until he loses count.

 

When Jensen draws back there is a blush on Jared's cheeks and his hair is mussed and all Jensen wants to do is kiss him again.

He doesn't.

Instead he gets up, extends a hand to Jared, helps him stand. Holds onto his hand longer than necessary, but he can't help it. »You take care, ok?«

Jared looks at him for a moment before he says: »I don't want to say good bye.« Jensen doesn't either.

»Let's say something like 'See you later' instead?«

Jensen swallows. »Okay. I will see you around, I guess?«

Jared gives him a half smile, one dimple showing. »Yeah, I guess. See ya around.«

He is quick, darts forward and presses a kiss to Jensen's cheek. He is full on smiling as he takes a step back. »Gotcha.«

Jensen laughs and watches as Jared walks away.

 

* * *

 

 

Today part of him wishes that this was the last time he had seen Jared. It might have made things so much easier.

The bigger part of him though is glad that it wasn't. He doesn't know how he could get through what is ahead of him without the memory of Jared.

He hasn't heard of him in over half a decade, doesn't know if he is okay. He can't let that hold him back though. He can't spend the rest of his life pining for a lost love.

What he is about to do will cost him dearly.

But it will end the war.

Jared might be proud of him if he knew.

He hopes so.

He was told he was allowed to bring one item he wanted to keep.

The paper is worn, has been folded and unfolded countless times in the past five years. It is small enough to fit into his pocket.

He doesn't need to open it to know what is written on it.

He does it anyway just to see it, the flow of the handwriting.

It is the closest he will ever get to hearing Jared's voice again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it has been a week since the last update, so here :) Have a new one ;)  
> Thank you so much to everyone who hit the subscribe and kudo button, those who commented and read :)  
> I love you all.  
> I hope you enjoy this unbeta'd update.  
> The shadowcat

He ties a perfect Eldredge knot.

Adjust the tie.

His fingers brush over the hard shape of the ring resting on his breastbone. The necklace is almost a part of him by now.

There is a knock on the door.

Without waiting for him to answer his sister barges in, breaking him out of his memories.

»Tristan!« She stops in her tracks when she sees him in the mirror. His face is set in stone, only the slightest twitch in his jaw showing how much he doesn't want to deal with her right now.

»What do you want, Megan?«

»Pull that poker out your butt«, she quips.

He doesn't laugh.

She rolls her eyes. »Mother wanted me to tell you that if you don't follow today's protocol by the letter there is a second collar she isn't afraid to take out.«

He turns around to face her sister. »She wouldn't.«

»You know she would. Or at the very least she'd publicly disown you. There is too much at stake to care about your delicacies. So none of your righteous man act.«

»I wouldn't have done anything of that sort, but thank you so much for the trust. It makes me feel loved.«

He turns back to the mirror.

Instead of the biting remark he expects his sister sounds surprisingly somber when she says: »What did you expect? After what happened with Father, what they did to Jeff... She wants them to pay. And this is the way that causes the least casualties. It beats the alternatives. So get off your high horse. We all did things we are not proud of. You weren't here when they killed Father. You didn't see what it did to her. Because you were in another country, hiding in books and papers. I don't blame you. Hell, I'd have loved to do that too. But now you need to take responsibility. Life ain't fair. Get over it.«

»Wh-«

»No one cares how you are going to treat him behind closed doors. Just have him kneel at your feet when people can see.«

She is out the door before he even opens his mouth to say: »We won. They lost. Isn't that enough?«  
  


* * *

 

  
The summer vacation sucks. And Jared isn't even surprised by that.  
He should have seen it coming the second his parents announced that they would all go to have dinner with the other ruling families currently vacationing on Pesca in the remaining two weeks they were there, tonight with the Bledels of Akchoroudal, on the weekend with the Corteses of Numera, the week after with the Ackles' of Volta.

The fact that he hasn't heard a single thing from Jensen in over four months isn't that great either.

Now he is sitting at a huge table in the finest restaurant on Pesca across from crownprincess Alexis Bledel who looks entirely desinterested while poking at her salmon.  
He can't really blame her.  
His father is chatting with the Queen of Akchoroudal while his brother entertains his little sister. Jared is just about to turn delve into his delicious steak when he notices his mother's pointed look.

He swallows down a sigh. Duty calls.  
Unlike his sister, who still is young enough to not be involved in the family politics, he can't claim the same right at seventeen.  
His mother has stressed before dinner that, depending on how well the dinner will go, Alexis and him might end up getting engaged some time in the future. And even if that doesn't happen, what he secretly hopes, good relations are still important.

  
He pastes on a smile as he says: »How is your food, Princess Alexis?«  
She doesn't even look at him, shrugs and continues pushing around a piece of salad on the plate.

The dinner is tedious and once they said goodbye just outside the restaurant Jared can't help but ask his mother if he can roam around on his own a bit to free his head. She begrudgingly agrees, lecturing him on his shortcomings during the dinner and then allows him an hour of alone time until he has to return to the hotel.  
He thanks her, promises to be back by the appointed time and walks the opposite direction that his family is moving in.

He relaxes for the first time in hours when he rounds a corner and they are out of sight. He lets his head and shoulders drop, his hair falling into his eyes as he aimlessly wanders around the streets. He watches the stones the street is paved with under his feet, the world around him falling away until the only thing that is left is the ever changing pattern on the ground.

He is pulled from his little bubble when he collides with someone very solid coming out of one of the other small alleyways.

»I am so sorry!«, he rushes to apologize, looking up and coming face to face with a very much smiling Jensen. Who is wearing sunglasses. At night. In an alleyway.

For a second Jared wonders why this seems to be the most important detail to his brain. The second thing he notices is that he is now taller than Jensen, who right this moment is leaning up to kiss Jared's cheek, chuckling: »Don't worry 'bout it.«

The touch of Jensen's lips to his cheek lingers a moment, the moment it takes for Jared's lips to curl into a smile.  
The smile turns into a laugh when Jensen nudges one of his dimples with his nose, muttering: »Will you believe me when I say the reason I didn't text back is because I dropped my phone into the ocean?«

* * *

* * *

After sitting through yet another horrible dinner with a potential fiancèe Jared makes a decision. The dinner with the Ackles family is in four days, the day before they are leaving back for Tar'An and even though they managed to steal a few hours together here and there, Jared wants to spend that night with Jensen again.  
He asks Jensen if he has time when they are sitting at the beach three days before the dinner, to which Jensen replies: »Not really, but I'll work something out.«

  
Jared fakes food poisoning to get out of the dinner and it works. His mother is displeased while his father tells him to take a bucket and lie down on the balcony.  
He checks his burner phone the second his family leaves the building, delighted to find a text from Jensen.

_I'll see you at the beach in ten?_

Jared makes it to the beach in eight minutes, slipping out of the suite and through the streets, careful not to be noticed.  
Jensen is already there, waiting.  
He greets Jared with a kiss, using the slight incline of the beach to his advantage so he doesn't have to pull Jared's face down as much.  
It's chaste, unhurried and so Jensen that it makes Jared's heart ache.  
He knows how incredibly stupid it is to fall for a guy who he only sees once a year for a few days, but he can't help it.  
  


»Next year«, Jensen whispers into the space between them when they break apart. »Next year when you turned eighteen, I will kiss every single inch of you, I promise.«

»I'll hold you to that«, Jared replies and steals another kiss.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the new update.  
> A tad bit (read: a lot) later than I had hoped, but real life got in the way... *sigh*  
> I hope you like this un-beta'd update.  
> A huge thank you to everyone who supported this story already (that's every single one of you who read, left kudos or comments and subscribed)!!! You never fail to put a smile on my face :)  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat

Jared's hair is framing his sleeping face, spilling onto the pillow like a halo around his head.

He is breathing evenly, lips slightly parted and Jensen can't help but look at him.  
He feels selfish doing it. Like he is invading Jared's privacy as he sleeps, peaceful and relaxed and he has to remind himself that Jared wants him there.  
Even after eleven years Jensen sometimes can't believe that he gets to have this. Even if only for a few stolen moments.

  
Jared doesn't look like he did when they first met. There are more lines etched into his face, worry and anger already leaving their mark in his features.  
There is still light in his eyes, laughter and Jensen knows the war will do its best to take it from him.  
He knows Jared lost his father not too long ago. Jared doesn't talk a lot about him, but Jensen knows that he had meant a lot to him.  
He wishes he could go back and do more to try and convince his parents not to go to war.

Wishes he could take all the pain from Jared, tell him who he really is without fear of losing him.

Wishes they could stay in this bed, in this moment, forever.

He pushes a stray strand of hair out of Jared's eyes, who catches his wrist with more accuracy than Jensen would have thought as Jared's eyes are still closed, dropping a kiss to the soft skin on the inside of it.

»How long've you been awake for?«, he mumbles, blinking sleepily and turning to his side to face Jensen.

He shrugs in response, too occupied with trying to make out every single color in Jared's irises. He still thinks he hasn't found all of them.

Jared looks at him and he seems so young, a glimpse of the boy that Jensen met that first night at the club shining through, scared and so hard trying to be brave, to jump over his shadow.

»I love you.«

 

Jensen's heart stops beating for a second. Neither of them has said it before, never in words.  
It has been there between them for a long time now, spoken in shy touches and smiles, kisses that don't need to lead to anything more and the way Jared wraps his arms around him like he never wants to let him go.  
Always there, right under the surface.

And Jensen has the words sitting at the tip of his tongue, wants to open his mouth and say them right back, but he can't. For some reason his lips won't form the words he desperately wants Jared to hear.  
It would be a promise he can't keep.

In a few hours he will have to leave.

By tomorrow he could be dead.

So instead of saying the words, he leans in and kisses Jared, hoping that he understands. Understands that Jensen loves him just as much.  
He is a coward, he knows, he can't help it.

He stays close after breaking the kiss, touching their foreheads together. Breathes in Jared's scent, familiar and comforting.

»I know«, Jared says, twining his fingers with Jensen's. »It's okay. I don't need you to say it back.«

Jensen responds by rolling Jared onto his back, blanketing his body with his own. Jared is warm and pliant beneath him, alive and Jensen can feel his heart beat in his chest.

 

* * *

 

The gentle touch of his mother to his knee breaks him out of the daydream which is more of a memory, the only difference in his head is that they are older, older than that night eight years ago.

»JR«, the Queen's voice is soft. He looks at her and smiles, a smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

His mother has gotten old, he can see that, the loss of her husband and her eldest child wearing her down. And now she is about to lose another.

She would never admit it, but she tires easily now and her hands are not as steady as they used to be as she reaches out to stroke his cheek. He leans into the touch, closing his eyes. He is going to miss her.

»You can still say no. We will figure something out, renegotiate«, she offers.

It's nothing but false hope, he knows, but he appreciates the effort. He replies with a voice just as soft as hers.

»Mother, we talked about this. There is no more negotiating with Tar'An and I won't turn my back on our people. I agreed to this.«

»They will try to strip you of everything you are.«

»And I won't let them. You know that.«

His mother smiles at that, so impossibly sad that the only thing keeping him from leaning over and hugging her is the seatbelt.

»You would have made a great king«, she says. »Better than your father even.«

»Thank you.«

It is another thing that will never come to pass and he turns back to look out the window, see the world fly by as his mother's comforting hand falls away.

There is still a two hour drive ahead of them until they reach the capital of Tar'An.

He is just about to ask if they could listen to some music when his mother speaks up again.

»Is there anything that you would like to talk about?«

He raises a questioning eyebrow as he turns back to her: »What do you mean?«

His mother gives a half hearted shrug. »I am simply thinking that we don't need to spend these last hours in silence. Unless of course, you want to.«

»Oh.« He hasn't thought of that, too caught in his own head. »What should we talk about?«

»Anything you want. Music, books, life, whatever comes into your head.«

He thinks for a moment, coming up empty: »I can't think of anything, I am sorry.«

His mother smiles. »Is it okay if I ask you something?«

He gives her half a nod. »Sure.«

»What is the item you took? The one they'll let you keep.«

He hesitates for a moment, unsure wether to share this part of him, this one thing that he has left of Jared. His mother is patient, doesn't press and that is what makes him take out the paper from his pocket.

»It's poem. Someone was nice enough to translate it for me, so it doesn't rhyme, but the sentence structure is a bit weird sometimes, I...«, he trails off as his eyes flit over the lines.

»Would you read it to me?«, his mother asks quietly, like she doesn't want to intrude into his thoughts.

»Uhm«, he clears his throat. »Yes, I'll... Yes.«

He takes another moment before he starts reading.

»Because you are not here,I sit and write  
all my loneliness onto this paper.  
A lilac branch hits the window pane.  
The night of May calls. But not for me.  
  
Because you are not here, is the flowering of the trees,  
the roses' scent, fruitless endeavor,  
the nightingale's melody of love  
only in music set irony.

Because you are not here, I flee into darkness.  
With unfamiliar eyes the city stares at me.  
With piercing light and clamorous gleaming,  
that I can not follow, can not escape.«

He stops there, knows he won't be able to read on further without his armor getting a few more cracks, enough cracks for this whole situation to get to him.

His mother sits quietly, doesn't say anything and he can't look at her, so he folds the paper again and puts it back into his pocket.

Once he is done his mother asks: »Who was she? The one who sent you the poem?«

»I... He was my everything, for a while. Even though I know that it was impractical, improper, I still... He was the one.« The words hurt less than he anticipated.

His mother is quiet again.

He wonders if he shouldn't have said that. In two hours it won't matter anyway.

His mother collects herself quickly and he can see on her face that she isn't sure what to say.  
He is preparing an answer as to why he never told her when she once more catches him off guard.

»Did he know that?«

The next words hurt more than the previous ones did. »I... I only told him once, but... I know he knew I loved him.«

»Then that is all that matters to me right now.«  
  
He swallows down the tears threatening to spill at his mother's soft declaration, swallows down the regret and anger he feels and starts mending the cracks inside him, pulling himself together enough to be the Crownprince again, the man his people need him to be.  
»Maybe we could listen to some music now?«

»Of course«, the Queen replies.  
  
He can see in her eyes that she heard his unspoken _Thank you_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone interested in the poem, it is called "Weil Du nicht da bist" by Mascha Kaleko. The translation in this story was done by me, so I apologize for any mistakes. I have found that apart from a few minor details google translate actually translates a decent version of this. I can only recommend for you to look up the entire poem, it is not only beautiful, but it will also become relevant in later chapters again ;)  
> R&R is always appreciated ;)  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off I am so so sorry for not updating in a long(ish) time. I got a visitor, a lot of stress and had to finish my bb... (which you could read if you need a pick me up ;).  
> I hope to get back to regular posting (and maybe throw in a chapter or two earlier) soon!!!  
> Now:  
> Thank you to all of you who read this story, kudo and comment and subscribe and are generally awesome.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this unbeta'd update.  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat

»No one cares about how you treat him behind closed doors«, he mutters to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose. He has one hour left before they are scheduled to leave for the parliament building.

He taps a code into his messenger pad as he paces the length of his room.

His mind is running circles when he hears the gentle knock at the door.

»Come in.«

Matthew's whole demeanor changes once he closes the door. He seems to grow as he stands up straighter and lifts his head.

If it wasn't for the collar and the cuffs one could mistake Matthew for a free man.

»What can I help you with, JT?«

Matt is one of the few who are allowed to call him that.

Incidentally all who call him that are Owned.

He has never liked the concept of owning people. Even as a kid it repulsed him.

Treating them as people, some as friends even, has always been his act of rebellion.

»Hey Matt. Sit?«

Matt plops down on the bed. »This whole thing is eating you up, isn't it?«

»You know me too well«, he sighs.

»We've only known each other all our lives, I think it's safe to say I should know you by now.«

He huffs out something that sounds like a laugh. »True. I need your help.«

»Figured as much«, Matt quips as he watches him pace the length of the room.

»Can you get me a matress into this room until I return with the Prince? A real matress I mean? With a blanket and a good pillow?« His eyes wander over to the far corner of the room where the ring is bolted into the wall, nothing but a thin rug beneath it on the floor. He wonders how he could have ever assumed that he would be okay with chaining the Prince of Volta to the wall and leave him there. Treat him like nothing but a thing. How his mother thought he could be capable of that. He feels bile rise in his throat.

Matt looks at him with an unreadable expression for a second, making him wonder if he said something wrong, before finally taking a breath and his face breaking out into a smile. »I'll see what can be done. I might have to call in a few favors. It's good to see that you came to your senses, though.«

»What is that supposed to mean?« He stops his pacing for a second.

»Come on«, Matt gets up from the bed. »We both know you were never going to be the hardened slave owner your mother wants you to be. Colder than you might have been before the war, but not heartless enough to let another unnecessarily suffer. It is not who you are and every slave in the palace knows it. We actually started placing bets on how long it would take for you to start arranging comforts behind Your Majesty's back.«

Matt is now standing a few inches away from him, catching his hands in his.

»Don't be who your mother wants you to be, JT. Be who we know you are and things won't get too ugly. Promise me?«

He swallows and nods. Matt pats his cheek.

»Good, now I'll see what I can do to make this look more like a shared apartment while you are gone while still satisfying your mother.«

»Thanks«, he replies as Matt walks to the door. »And Matt...«, his eyes fall on the collar,  »I'll find a way to get it off of you. All of you.«

Matt smiles, but it's not as bright as before. »One thing at a time, my friend. Let's get through today first.«

 

* * *

 

 

"Crownprince Joshua Ackles of Volta has fallen while supporting the troops of Morgan in the south of the country, leaving his younger brother Ross as successor to the throne. Numera troops are marching towards the capital of Volta. Lords Benedict and Speight issued a statement in support of Volta this morning, assuring aid in form of aircrafts and helicarriers. "

 

The TV drones on in the background while Jared eats his breakfast cereal, only listening with one ear. He knows he should pay attention, that what is happening out there is directly influencing and partially influenced by him, but today he just can't bring himself to.

It has been two years since they blew his father to pieces. Four months since his brother stood too close to a detonating bomb. Three and a half months since he moved back to Tar'An due to his mother's wishes.

Since then he has spent almost every waking moment negotiating, strategizing, planning and plotting and doing his best to do what was expected of him. His letter to Lady Cortese is the reason Numera sent troops to Volta.

There are only two ways to end the war. And his mother will never allow him to lose.

The ringing of his burner phone almost makes him sputter his cereal onto the counter as he frantically scrambles to get it out of his pocket.

He flips it open, his breath catching in his throat as he hears the strangled voice on the other end.

» _Jared?_ «

»Jensen!«

Jensen let out something that sounds like a sob.

»Jensen, what's wrong, are you crying?«

» _Jay, I, god, it's so good to hear your voice, you have no idea.«_

A sniffel.

» _I'm so sorry._ «

»Jen, what's going on? What are you sorry for-«

» _I love you.«_

Jared is stunned into silence. He wished to hear these words for years now, but not like this. Not pushed out like they hurt, desperate and breathless but so, so true.

» _I love you and I need you to know that! I need you to know that before it is too late, before I might never tell you.«_

»Jensen, what h-«

» _They killed my brother and I am running out of time. I think I ran out of time years ago. We are going to lose,by now it's only a question of how long we will be able to hold out. And I love you. God, I love you so much.«_

»I love you too«, Jared replies, swallowing past the lump forming in his throat.

Jensen laughs. It sounds strange, relief and sadness wrapped into one sound.

» _I wish things were different, I wish we'd have more time.«_ He clears his throat. _»I'm on a payphone right now, I should have a minute left. I...«_

»Jensen«, Jared cuts in. »Can you do something for me?«

» _What is that?«_

»Don't get yourself killed.«

_»I'll try.«_

»Don't try. Just do.«

» _I promise. I love you.«_

»Now you started you can't stop saying it, can you.« Jared smiles.

» _Nope. I got years to catch up on.«_

»Seems about right.«

 _»Jared, I-_ «

The line goes dead.

Jared is still staring at his phone as pictures of the now crownprince Ross Ackles flicker across the TV screen. He turns it off without sparing it a single glance. He is like in trance, which is why it takes a second him to realize the phone is ringing. His regular phone.

» _He woke up!_ « His sister sounds ecstatic. » _Jeff woke up!_ «

Jared doesn't feel the weight of the last months lift off his chest like he thought he would while hearing these words. It's like his heart can't handle these many different emotions so quickly one after the other.

It's like he can't feel anything really.

»That's great, what do the doctors say?«

His enthusiasm sounds empty to himself.

» _He is talking and seems to have a good memory, not a lot of amnesia from what they can tell, but...«_

»Megan, just say it.«

_»He didn' take the news that he'll never walk again very well.«_

»Would you have?« He can't help the little sliver of bitterness creeping into his voice.

He knows his sister isn't the one he is angry at. Not really.

» _No«_ , she replies and suddenly she sounds so much younger.

»Sorry, I didn't mean to snap.«

» _I know. Will you come down to the hospital?«_

»Yeah, I'll be there in a few.«

» _Let Jim drive you, the streets are crazy right now.«_

»It'll be quicker if I just drive myself, I-«

» _Please. Tristan, I couldn't, if something happened to you, please, just...«_

Jared sighs. He knows how his sister feels right now. Knows it from hours spent at his brother's bedside, from the nights he lies awake wishing he could find Jensen, keep him safe.

He gives in.

»Ok. Okay, I will, it will take longer though, I'll see you soon. Take care.«

Jared hangs up before his sister can reply. He doesn't call for Jim right away.

Instead he stares at his cereal bowl with the burner phone still lying beside it, wishing the screen would flash with a new message from Jensen telling him he is okay.

It doesn't happen.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone :)
> 
> I once again apologize for the delay, moving halfway across the world can take up a lot of your time apparently...  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this unbeta'd update.  
> Thank you to all you awesome readers who subscribe, kudo and comment :)  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat <3

»I, uhm, I kinda got you something for your birthday«, Jensen nervously rubs the back of his neck.

Jared beams at him brightly, his dimples on full display in the warm light filtering through the small room's blinds. »You did?«

»Yeah, well, I...«, Jensen suddenly feels stupid, the idea too cliché and cheesy, but all it takes is one look into Jared's hopeful eyes to make him pull out the small package from his pocket.

»It used to be my grandfather's«, he explains as Jared tears into the nondescript wrapping paper with all the enthusiasm of a five year old, looking utterly adorable, even at twenty three.  
»It's been in the family for a few generations, I want you to have it. To keep it safe until I come back.«

Jared stills to look at Jensen, expression thoughtful. »So it's not really a gift, it's what? A promise that you will come back?«

Jensen shrugs. »I don't know? Both? A promise and a gift? I- it's-«, he doesn't get to say anything further as Jared shuts him up with a kiss.

»Knowing you'll come back from this war is the greatest gift you can give me«, Jared says as he draws back, staying so close Jensen has to cross his eyes in an attempt to see him.

»I'll do my best.«

»Good.« Seemingly satisfied Jared goes back to unwrapping, turning the paperpackage until a silver chain and a ring slide into his open palm.

The ring is silver with five small emeralds nestled in the intricate design of the wide band. It's masculine but not bulky, a fine work of art.

»I didn't know if it would fit, that's why I added the chain, so you could wear it as a necklace if you wanted.«

Jared puts his hand out to Jensen, smiling. »Thank you so much. Put it on me, please?«

He bows his head a bit so it's easier for Jensen to reach around him. He does, careful not to get any of Jared's hair caught in the catch of the necklace. His fingers linger on Jared's throat after straightening the chain a bit and he can feel Jared's heart beat under his fingertips.

»You're the only one«, Jared says.

»What?« Jensen looks up from the sight of the ring resting against Jared's chest, meeting his hazel eyes.

»You're the only one«, Jared says again. »The only one I slept with. There was a girl a while back who hit on me, but I couldn't even kiss her. Can't think of kissing anyone but you.«

Jensen let's his hand slide down Jared's chest until his fingers get caught in the ring. His mind jumps to all the ladies his parents introduced him to, hoping he would find one he was willing to wed. And here he is, giving one of the most important Ackles' heirlooms to someone his parents don't even know exists.

»Same here«, he finally replies, voice clogged with emotions he doesn't want to take a closer look at. »No one but you.«

They sit in silence for a few moments, the only thing filling it the soft sounds of their breathing.

It's Jensen who eventually breaks it.

»I'm scared.«

Jared doesn't reply, just pulls him into a hug, as if he can protect them from the war if he just holds on tight enough.

»I can't kill people.« The words are mumbled against Jared's shoulder.

»I know.« Jared's admission is quiet, tickling along Jensen's hair as he speaks. »I know. But if we're lucky the war will be over by next week.«

The chances for that to happen are nearly nonexistent and they both know it, but it is better than telling Jensen that he won't have to kill, that everything will be fine.

So he wraps his arms around his lover and feels the ring press into his chest as it rises with every breath Jared takes.

He doesn't know how long they stay like that.

 

 When Jensen wakes up Jared is not in bed with him. Instead he finds him standing by the window looking like he is a thousand miles away with his mind.

He quietly swings his legs out of bed and pads over to Jared, wraps his arms around him, careful not to startle him.

Jared leans back into him, but doesn't say anything, still looking out the window.

Jensen drops a kiss to Jared's bare shoulder, closes his eyes and concentrates on the feeling of having Jared in his arms, warm skin under his fingertips.

»How do you think things would be if things were different?«, Jared suddenly says.

»Huh?«

»If we were different people. If we met somewhere else, another time, another place, no war, no secrets, how different would this be? Would we even know eachother? Would we be happy?«

»You are not happy?«

Jared halfway turns in his arms then, grazing his nose against Jensen's temple. »I am. When I'm with you I'm the happiest person on earth. But as soon as we are out of this bubble, out there in the real world, I...«

Jensen tightens his embrace.

»I mean, what are we even doing?«, Jared continues. »Stolen moments every few months, hushed conversations on the phone... I don't even know your last name and still... Still I can't imagine- You should have no place in my life, I can't _afford_ having you in my life and still...«

Jensen swallows. »Do you want to end this? I'd understand it if-«

»No!« Then softer: »No. Please. If this is all I can get then I will take it. And I will not let go.«

As he hears these words Jensen feels like he can breathe again.

»Me neither«, he says. »As long as you want me I'm yours.«

* * *

They enter the capitol of Tar'An escorted by police.

The long street they are driving on is packed with people straining against the barriers put up to keep them at bay.

Through the tinted windows of the car he can make out the TV cameras and some of the signs protesters are holding up.

There is shouting, screaming. Slurs mixed with cheers.

Here and there in the crowd he can spot them. They have their eyes trained on the ground, collars around their necks.

These are the people his country went to war for and they failed them.

He swallows and turns away.

»They are like vultures«, his mother says, not sparing the mob a single glance. »Disgusting.«

He finds he can't really disagree.

Something hits the window. It's an egg, the yolk slowly dripping down the side of the car as they continue their way through the city to the parliament building.

The closer they get the wider the street and the quieter the crowd becomes until there are no protesters anymore.

There are more cameras and as there are more upperclass people there are also more slaves.

They come to a halt and he can see the parliament building only a short distance away. The five members of the royal family are standing on top of the steps, flanked by dozens of government officials and staff, too far away to be anything more than silhouettes in the shadows of the tall building.

There is a cleared path straight from where their car is parking to the steps, wide enough for a whole entourage to walk alongside him.

Someone opens the door of the car for him.

He takes a deep breath and climbs out of the car.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that things finally got rolling I'm gonna try get the updates out a bit quicker...  
> Shorter chapter, but with Art :)  
> Unbeta'd (who would have guessed ;)  
> Thank you to all you awesome people who keep me inspired and motivated to write (that's all you readers, subscribers, kudoers, commenters and bookmarkers!)  
> I hope you like it.  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat <3

»Posture, Tristan«, is the last thing his mother tells him before they step outside, her lips set in a thin line.

So now he is standing on top of the steps, back ramrod straight and shoulders square, his mother to his left and his sister to his right. His brother and his wife are to the left of his mother.

He knows Matt is standing right behind him, head bowed, holding the box with the collar and cuffs for the Prince.

He pretends to watch as the car carrying the Prince and the Queen drives up and stops at the path, but in reality he has his eyes fixed on one of the trees in the distance.

He can't even bear to look at the Prince. Not yet. Part of him wishes this was just a dream he could wake up from any second now. Of course he knows it isn't.

It's only when he hears his sister whisper "Hot damn" that he let's his eyes drop down to the man walking towards them.

He starts down by the Prince's shoes, sees the sure strides he takes, measured and controlled. His eyes move up bowlegs that seem familiar, a broad chest and wide shoulders clad in a well fitted suit until they reach the Prince's face and his heart stops beating.

Jensen wears his head held high, pride in his posture, all the while looking down.  
It's not protocol, he doesn't have to have his eyes averted yet, while he is still a free man. It's his deliberate choice, his act of defiance, Jared knows.  
The years seem to have been kind to Jensen who looks almost the same as the day Jared last saw him and Jared feels like he can't breathe as memories start falling into place.

Suddenly the space of the square seems too big, too many people are having their eyes on him, too many thoughts are running through his head at a speed so he can't take a closer look at even a single one.

It's only when his mother clears her throat that he manages to break out of it, realizing that Jensen has stopped and is now standing infront of the steps.

Jared signals Matt to follow him as his mother starts talking.  
He can't really hear what she is saying, too focused on the man before him.

Jensen still hasn't looked up. Instead he is taking off his suitjacket, folding it neatly and handing it to his mother, hand lingering on hers in quiet reassurance for a moment, before moving to roll his sleeves up to his elbows.

It is another thing he doesn't have to do. Another thing not specified in the protocol. Another thing he found to display his autonomy.

»Jensen Ross Ackles of Volta, do you accept this collar in the stead of your people, giving your freedom to protect theirs, submitting to be my son's property for the rest of your life?«, Jared's mother asks, her voice hard as steel, unyielding and cold.

  
At this point Jared can barely swallow past the lump in his throat.

And Jensen replies »I do« as he sinks down to his knees.

* * *

 

The stone beneath him is still warm from the sun shining on it a few hours ago. It's a light grey, with tiny, tiny cracks running through it. It doesn't look particularly interesting.  
His voice hasn't wavered. Hasn't betrayed his nerves. Things are going to be fine.

At least that is what he tells himself, over and over in his mind as he listens to the Queen of Tar'An seal his fate.

»Your submission is accepted. Tristan, if you will.«

It's a command, not a request and by now he doesn't have a single doubt anymore as to how these people can do this to him and countless others before.

The Prince's shoes enter his line of sight, black and polished.

This is his last chance to look up, look his prison guard in the face, let him see the contempt he has for him.

He doesn't.

Instead he let's his eyes wander over to the second pair of shoes, the ones half a step behind the Prince. They're simpler and definitely not as expensive. He wonders if they belong to an official, a servant or a slave.

He doesn't reach a conclusion before long fingers tip his chin up the smallest fraction. The gentleness of the touch startles him.

He still keeps his eyes down, making a point of not looking at the Prince.

The leather collar is cool against his skin and he can't help but close his eyes for a second when he hears the final click of the lock closing at the back of his neck.

He doesn't dwell on the foreign feeling of having that weight around his throat, instead offering his wrists to be bound.

The Prince is gentle with the cuffs as well, wrapping them around each wrist, testing the tightness and then clasping them together infront of him.

Once he is done the Prince gives his first command.

»Up.«

His voice sounds clogged, rough and it tugs on something inside of him that he can't put his finger too.

He pushes the feeling down with the others, the anger, the hurt and the fear and stands up as gracefully as he can.

It's done.

The war is over.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand here we go again :)  
> Isn't that nice? :D  
> Unbetad. What a surprise...  
> Thank you to hmchef, sleepyvixen and Masja!  
> And all you other readers who make me smile with your kudos, subscriptions and bookmarks and by bouncing that little hitcounter up :)  
> This chapter has implications of non con, purely hypothetical though, it is nothing more but a fleeting thought.  
> I hope you like the update. Things are now really getting rolling ;)  
> Love you all,  
> the shadowcat

He is aching to touch, to rip that collar of Jensen's neck and throw it at his mother's feet but he is as trapped as Jensen right now.

If he did that he wouldn't just be throwing his life away but Jensen's too.

He can't do anything but follow protocol, attach the leash to the small ring in Jensen's collar and lead him up the stairs closely followed by Matt.

Jensen still hasn't looked up a single time, the stubborn bastard.

Jared's mind is reeling trying to find a way to let him know who he is without giving it away to the others.

They reach their designated spot at his mother's side and in picture perfect submission Jensen gracefully sinks to his knees at his side before Jared can stop him.

He feels sick as his mother declares the war is over.

There are still cameras on him so he keeps on his mask, stonefaced at the cheers of the crowd, sneaking a look at the man by his feet as often as he dares.

Jensen wears his hair different from the last time he saw him. The sides are almost shaved off while the top is still longer, artfully tousled. The look makes his ears stand out more, Jared thinks.

All he wants to do is run his finger over the curve of it, feel Jensen come alive under his touch like he did so many times before. His ears have always been a bit sensitive.

God how he just longs to touch.

It is then that something horrifying dawns to him.

Would Jensen even want him to?

Jensen, who is too proud to even look at him. Jensen, who accepted his fate with all the dignity possible. Jensen, who once looked at Jared like he was the only good thing in the world.

It has been six years since they've last spoken.

And even if Jensen told him he loved him six years ago, today Jared is one of the people holding him prisoner.

What if Jensen hates him for the things he did? For being part of the regime responsible for the death of Jensen's people and the suffering of so many others and not doing anything to stop it?

The tight feeling around his chest is back, making him feel like he is suffocating.

He moves on autopilot when his mother finishes her speech. Lightly tugs at the leash, beckoning Jensen to stand up again without saying a word and as soon as he is on his feet he moves into the building, leaving most watchful eyes behind.

Inside he snaps his fingers and Matt is by his side in an instant, head bowed and hands clasped behind his back.

»Would you inform my mother that I need a few minutes to get... acquainted with the Prince, we will be up for the presentation on the balcony in time. Please use the language she would want me to utilize«, he whispers right into Matt's ear, grimacing a bit at imagining what words Matt will have to use. »The conference room down the hall should be empty right now, right?« While he keeps talking Jared reaches up with one hand and while pretending to scrach his neck manages to undo the clasp of his necklace.

Matt nods, face void of any reaction. »Yes, my Prince.«

»Good.« Jared swallows, slowly pulling the necklace out from under his shirt, careful not to let the others see. Luckily the ministers are busy congratulating themselves and his mother and siblings. »And please, if you can, come up to my room tonight? Matt, I need your help.«

»Of course, JT.« It's only a fraction of a second that Matt meets his eyes, both too aware that they can't be caught behaving like they normally do, but it is enough for Jared.

Matt bows and hurries to catch up with the group walking towards the elevator as Jared puts the ring on his finger and slips the necklace into his pocket.

* * *

He can see the others leaving in one of the mirrors lining the hallway, hears their steps getting further and further away and then catches a glimpse of someone hurrying after them. The whispers have stopped and now he is alone with the Prince.

He quickly averts his eyes, fixes them back to the carpet. As far as he can tell there is carpet in the whole building. It's different from the polished stone they use in the government of Volta.

There is a click as the Prince unfastens the leash from his collar.

Like he's a dog, paraded around for the others' entertainment.

The Prince is touching him again, has a hand on his biceps and is pulling him down a different corridor than the one the others walked down before pushing him into a seemingly empty room.

He notices that the link between his cuffs has been opened.

The snick as the door falls closed and is locked behind him sends a shiver down his spine.

He thought he'd have more time before this was going to happen.

But his body is not his anymore.

At least the plush carpet will make this a fraction more bearable, he thinks bitterly.

He hears something thunk against the door behind him and the Prince taking a deep breath.

»I want you to know that the only reason I bow to you is because it keeps my people safe.«

He doesn't know what makes him say it, what makes him throw away everything that he has left. He'll to pay for that and he knows it.

»Je-«

»Don't!« And now that he has started he finds he can't stop himself from cracking right open. »Don't call me by my name. I lost the right to those words the second I knelt at your feet.«

He expects the rough treatment. Hell, he provoked it after all. Needs it to get through what will happen next.

A sliver of silver and green catches his eyes before he squeezes them closed as he is slammed into the door so forcefully that it rattles in its hinges.

The Prince crowds in close, his taller frame towering over him, pinning him in place.

He waits for the punch, the slap, the bruising kiss, anything to release the tension he can feel in the Prince's body pressed against him.

It doesn't come.

He is frozen in place as the Prince touches their foreheads together and whispers into the space between them, broken voice stumbling over the words as he struggles to get them out.

»Because you are not here I leaf through old letters, waking yellowed dreams that were already asleep.  
My laughter, love, has followed you. Because you are not here my heart is empty.  
Jensen, _please_ , look at me.«

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter once again featured a bit of Mascha Kaleko's 'Weil du nicht da bist'.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyho, my lovelies.  
> I am sorry for keeping you waiting, I was at VanCon and then visited the SPN set (which was incredible btw, despite the heat) and had some stuff to take care of (moving is a lot of paperwork :D ) but now I am back ;)  
> Thank you to all of you great people supporting this story!!!  
> And to sleepyvixen for nicely kicking my butt so I would update ;)  
> Hope you like this unbeta'd addition.  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat

_Please. Please just look at me you stubborn bastard.  
_

He draws back, tries to stay as close as possible while still giving Jensen space. He needs to move, to do something to release the tension running through him, the tension that makes him fear he might snap in half with it.

Because all he wants to do is wrap his arms around Jensen and never let go.

»Please don't make me.«

Jensen's voice nearly makes him jump. It's rough and quiet, like there are nails in his throat and he is choking.

»Jared, please, I can't-«

To hear Jensen say his name after so many years makes his heart skip a beat.

The way he says it though reminds Jared far too much of the last time they spoke.

It's like every rose has it's thornes, the words he always wished to hear are never said without pain in Jensen's voice.

»Okay«, Jared croaks out, quickly picking up the pieces inside of him and rushing to put everything he feels away, tightly locked up somewhere inside him.

Whatever they had is broken and it's his fault. He should have known that Jensen wouldn't, couldn't forgive him. He takes a step back, looks down on the ground as he rambles on.

»We, uhm, we need to get to the balcony and after that I can, I can leave you to yourself if you want, I'll be out of your hair, I'll...«

He misses when Jensen moves, misses it because his mind is still reeling trying to come up with a solution to this situation that they are now stuck in.

He is silenced by Jensen's lips pressing against his, dry and warm and a little chapped.

Jensen catching him off guard with a kiss seems to be a pattern by now, his brain unhelpfully supplies.

It is over as quickly as it began, Jensen lowering himself back down to his heels, nudging the tip of Jared's nose with his own.

When Jared looks at him he can see Jensen's eyes are squeezed shut.

»Shut up, Jared. Just shut up.«

And for once Jared is speechless.

Before he can do anything stupid, like pulling Jensen back up to his tiptoes and kissing him again, there is a knock on the door.

»This isn't over, is it?«

He doesn't know if he means their conversation or relationship.

Jensen's reply is so faint he'd miss it if his eyes weren't fixed on Jensen's mouth anyway.

»Never.«

Jared can't help the sigh of relief falling from his lips even though he is still more than confused by the way Jensen is acting.

There is another knock at the door, more insistent this time.

Jared reaches around Jensen, unlocks the door and moves to push down the handle when he is stopped by Jensen holding out his arms.

It takes Jared a second to figure out what he is getting at but then he sees the open link on the cuffs.

He takes both Jensen's hands in his, caressing the soft skin of Jensen's wrists right below the cuffs with his thumbs before linking them back together.

The click of the link closing is swallowed by the door opening, Matt's head popping up in the gap.

»You should hurry, your mother is starting to get pissed.«

Something on Jared's face makes Matt frown, eyes flitting between him and Jensen who has lowered his head again.

»You okay?«, Matt asks.

»I don't know«, Jared replies.

»Well, I'm sorry, but you'll have to figure it out later«, Matt's head disappears again.

* * *

 

 Jared is wearing the ring.

That is the only clear thing in Jensen's mind.

The rest is a muddled mess inside of him that makes him want to vomit his guts out.

He can feel himself spinning out of control, like he seems to do a lot around Jared.

As they move through the corridor he can't resist, sneaks a glance into one of the mirrors.

Jared's hair is still long and the same chocolate color as the night they met.

They pass the mirror and Jensen is grateful he hasn't spotted more of the man walking in front of him.

It is true what he tried to say before the words got stuck in his throat.

He can't look at Jared, can't see what man he has grown into without breaking.

He knows he shouldn't have kissed him.

Knows it was the stupidest thing he has done in a long time, but it has always been a sure way to get Jared to shut up and he just couldn't bear to listen to him any longer. Not to the seemingly easy acceptance of Jensen's dismissal nor to the selfhatred he could hear in every syllable, no matter how good Jared tried to hide it.

Jensen is familiar with the feeling of hating himself.

He does it right this second, while he can still feel Jared's lips against his.

He hates himself for acting impulsively.

For being weak and irrational.

For not being able to despise his captors.

For causing Jared so much pain.

But the feeling is overshadowed by another.

Relief.

Because Jared is alive.

Jared is alive and right. there.

He repeats the words over and over in his head as they ride in the elevator, like they are the only thing keeping him afloat.

He never allowed himself to think of it, never allowed himself to admit how much the thought of losing Jared, lose him in an irreversible way, terrifies him.

But Jared is alive.

Alive and still touching him like Jensen is something precious, something to be cherished, not broken and damaged like he really is.

Like he is something that Jared can't believe is real.

They get out of the elevator and Jared brushes their shoulders when stepping out, a move that will seem accidental to anyone watching.

People are talking around them, but Jensen doesn't listen.

He follows Jared's shoes, snapping out of his thoughts for a second when he hears Jared hiss: »Because he doesn't need it, Mother. Don't you see how well he is following me?«

»It follows you like a stray dog and you will put a leash on it.«

The Queen's words feel like ice water being dumped over his head.

Jared doesn't reply.

Instead his hands enter Jensen's field of vision, long fingers gripping the leash so tight his knuckles are white.

The silver and green of the Ackles' house shines on his ring finger.

Jensen swallows when the leash is once more attached to his collar.

Jared's hands move down as he pretends to check the cuffs, presumably under his mother's watchful eyes.

With his index finger he draws a shape on the back of Jensen's hand, where no one can see.

It tells Jensen everything he needs to know right now.

They're in this together.

They walk out on the balcony, Jensen the appropriate step behind his new master, blocking out the cheers of the crowd and the Queen's voice while retracing the heart on the back of his hand again and again.

They will get through this.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo you wonderful people following this story :)  
> I hope you like the update!  
> Guess what, SPN filmed almost right in my doorstep so I went again and well... Somehow it had an impact on the direction the story is taking :D  
> Thank you so much for keeping me inspired with your comments and kudos and general interest <3  
> I love you all!!!  
> Un beta'd (but what's new?)  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat

He knows he shouldn't hate his mother.

But right now, he does.

They step out on the balcony, Jensen obediently falling to his knees beside him when they reach their designated spot.

Jared glances down at him while his mother basks in the cheers of the crowd.

The way Jensen's head is bowed bares the lock on his collar. It's a padlock, simple and functional, the small keyhole mocking him.

Jared puts his hand in his pocket trying to look nonchalant while letting his eyes wander over the crowd on the balcony.

His sister is looking straight ahead, somewhere off into the distance.

His brother is right now giving his speech on justice and their mother looks so proud. It's the first emotion that doesn't involve hatred he has seen on her face in a long time.

Then he spots the Queen of Volta, Jensen's mother, who is standing on the other side of the balcony, lost between ministers and other officials.

She is looking at them.

At her son.

Her gaze doesn't waver when she notices Jared staring at her.

He expects to see disdain on her features, hate, repulsion.

There isn't. There is only sadness.

She wears a neutral mask but he can see it in her eyes.

By this point he is not surprised anymore why Jensen is the way he is.

His mother seems to have the same sense of duty, the same grit but the same kindness as well.

He pulls his hand from his pocket, flicks his eyes down to the collar for a second, sees her shift her focus to it before turning away to look out to the crowd as he lays his hand on Jensen's neck.

To those watching it looks possessive. A display of true power.

The key feels tiny between his fingers as he fumbles to get it into the lock without anyone noticing.

He knows Jensen hears the snick of the padlock opening by the minute twitch of his jaw.

It is all he can do for now.

It is more than he probably should.

* * *

Jared wants him to break, Jensen is sure when he hears the quiet snick of the lock opening.

Jared and his stupid heart.

His stupid, too big for his own good, heart.

Jared's hand leaves the back of his neck and he tugs on his leash, signals him to stand up and without another thought Jensen does.

He doesn't know what Jared is planning, if he is planning anything at all.

He trusts him enough though to follow his lead.

They turn around and walk off the balcony, followed by all the others.

As soon as the roar of the crowd is gone and they are out of sight Jared unclips the leash and cuffs again, murmuring:»Just please don't make it obvious.«

Jensen keeps his hands folded, as if they were still chained.

Jared puts his hand on the small of Jensen's back and guides him through the crowd, evading the officials still lingering around.

They end up on the other side of the hallway where a small group is conversing.

Jensen stays back as Jared explains that he would like to speak with the Queen. Privately.

Jensen wonders how someone as vile as her raised a son as loving as Jared.

The group scatters and he moves to kneel again when Jared catches him by the arm, keeping him up.

»Look up, Jensen, this is important.«

He is asking him to, disguising it as a command to anyone who is not as familiar with his voice as Jensen.

He obliges the request, but doesn't turn to Jared. He doesn't want to look at him for the first time in the presence of the Queen.

Instead he looks ahead only to find his own mother looking up at him with shining eyes.

»Mother.« He wants to turn around, doesn't want her to see him like this. He should be strong, not wanting to throw himself at her for one last embrace.

»JR.«

»I need to talk to you, your Majesty«, Jared says. »About your son.«

He waits for a reaction to continue.

He doesn't get to because once Jensen's mother turns her attention from her son to him, her reply catching them both off guard.

»You are his everything«, she says, voice soft like back when she would tell Jensen a bedtime story back when he was a child.

»How-?« Jensen knows that Jared is opening and closing his mouth like a fish right now. He would find it amusing if he wasn't confused and slightly mortified himself.

»You are wearing his ring. I'd recognize the Ackles' Emeralds anywhere. Especially the one ring that went missing years ago, never to be seen again after JR inherited it.«

Who knew his mother would find a way to make them both speechless.

»Just answer me one thing«, she continues.

»Did you know who he was before today?«

The click of Jared's throat as he swallows is audible. »No. No, I swear I didn't.«

»Okay.«

They are quiet for a moment and Jensen can't look away from his mother.

He doesn't notice the tear falling from his eye until she reaches out and gently wipes it away, then turning back to Jared, taking his hand.

»I wish JR would have told me about you sooner, Tristan. You seem like a good man. A heart in a heartless country. Take care of my son for me, will you?«

»I promise«, Jared replies. Jensen knows he means it.

He wipes a hand over his face, gathers himself before saying: »I'd like to introduce you to Jared, Mom. And I've loved him since he was sixteen.«

»It is nice to finally meet you, Jared Tristan«, his mother smiles.

It is a moment Jensen wants to capture and keep, as he'd never dreamed of ever getting to live it.

»Tristan Padalecki you get over here right now!«

The Queen's voice is harsh, shattering the moment like a stone crashing through glass.

Jensen thinks he can almost feel the shards of it cutting his skin as he drops his posture into what she is expecting, looking one last time at his mother.

»I am sorry«, Jared whispers as a goodbye to her.

»I know«, she replies.

»Tristan!«

Jared is quick in reattaching the leash and linking the cuffs.

The Queen is fuming by the time they reach her.

»Please escort the Queen of Volta to her car«, the Queen commands one of the slaves standing by waiting to attend to her every need.

Then they are alone, as the officials have already left for the banquet.

»What do you think you are doing?«

Her shoes are pointy. Like needles. Like the way she speaks.

»I was showing the Queen of Volta what became of her son.«

»She got enough of a presentation outside. There is no need for you to let it off the leash outside of your room. You'll just confuse it. It might think it is still a person.«

»He is mine, mine to decide what to do with. Showing her that his freedom is mine to grant and mine to take and that I will keep it till the day I die. I thought was in your interest, mother.«

The way Jared's voice has turned into steel makes Jensen's stomach turn more than the words the Queen is using.

»You still talk about it like it is a person.  _It_ is the reason your father is dead and your brother will never walk again. It doesn't deserve even the tiniest shred of humanity.«

»Father is dead because of your vanity.«

The sound of the Queen slapping her second son across the face rings out loudly in the empty hallway.

»Don't you dare to imply something like that ever again.«

»Is that all, mother?«

Jared sounds calm. Far too calm.

»Leave. I can't stand to see your face right now.«

»As you wish.«

And Jared turns around on his heels, taking Jensen with him.

He follows Jared's fast pace through the maze that is the parliament building until they somehow make it to a parking lot where they are picked up by a shiny black car.

The drive is short and soon Jared leads him into what has to be the palace through some back door.

He hasn't said anything, hasn't touched Jensen more than was necessary to lead him and once more unlink the cuffs.

Jensen can feel the tension in him. Can feel that Jared is close to exploding, high strung and lost in his own head. It scares him.

Jared throws open a door, pushes Jensen inside, follows and turns the lock.

Tears the collar off of his neck and kisses him deep, like he is drowning and Jensen is the only thing that can save him. Maybe he is.

Jensen kisses back, twists his fingers in Jared's suitjacket and pulls him closer, desperate to feel his body pressed against his.

When they break for air Jensen finally looks up at him.

Jared's lips are kiss swollen and his cheeks flushed, one of them a darker pink from where his mother hit him.

His eyes are still a kaleidoscope of colors, practically glowing as they lock with Jensen's.

 

»Treason«, Jared says.

»I am going to commit treason.«


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all you awesome people!  
> I know it has been a while since I last updated and that is because a lot of interesting stuff happend.  
> Most exciting: I now have a beta!  
> Masja_17, who is an absolute treasure, now takes care of all my errors :)  
> Thank you so much for your help!  
> So this is the first chapter where I can proudly say: This has been beta'd.
> 
> It's a bit dialogue heavy, but there will be some sexy times in the next chapter after this one to make up for it ;)  
> Updates will now come on a two week basis (hopefully), bc school starts and will take up most of my time.  
> Thank you to everyone who is supporting this story!  
> You mean the world to me <3  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat

Green.

Jared has forgotten how green Jensen’s eyes are.

To have them finally fixed on his makes him feel lightheaded, almost drunk and the words are out of his mouth before he thinks them through.

Jensen has always made him reckless.

And brave.

Jensen, who right this moment brings up a hand to the back of Jared’s neck, like he is pulling him back down to the ground, keeping him from flying away with dangerous ideas.

Who looks at him, open and honest as he says: »Then I will be with you every step of the way.«

 

Jared doesn’t know who closes the gap between them and he doesn’t care.

The kiss is different from the one they shared before, less frantic, less hurried, but nonetheless heartfelt.

Jensen’s fingers are tangled in his hair, his other hand gripping Jared’s hip, while he pushes up against him.

Jared can almost taste in the kiss all the time they’ve lost, too many years spent apart, the circumstances of their reunion making it almost bitter.

Almost.

Because Jensen kisses him like these years never existed.

Drives away the thoughts of the past and a looming future with little nips and the lazy strokes of his tongue until Jared stops thinking altogether and just feels.

Feels the heat of Jensen’s palm on his cheek as he coaxes his mouth open.

Feels his moan vibrate through his body when Jared lets him in.

 

Time loses its relevance.

Jensen has once again reduced Jared’s world to only a  _ Now _ .

A present where only they exist.

All too soon, Jensen breaks the kiss, gives him a few lingering pecks before drawing back enough to look into Jared’s eyes again.

He is holding Jared’s face in his hands, thumb absentmindedly stroking over his cheekbone as he takes him in and Jared lets him.

»I love you.«

When he speaks Jensen’s voice is raspy, if from the kissing or emotion Jared can’t tell.

»I never thought I’d ever get the opportunity to tell you that face to face. I wished for it, God, I wished for it so many times but it seemed nothing more than a pipe dream.«

He brushes his lips against Jared’s in something that is only the ghost of a kiss.

»I wished I could touch you one more time, tell you, show you what I was too scared to say. That day when I called you-«

He swallows. He needs to say this. He has carried it around with him too many years.

»That day, I was so scared. So scared I missed my chance, so scared I’d lose you and you’d never know what you mean to me. I tried justifying it arguing you already knew by the way I treated you but that day I couldn’t- the last time I told my brother that I loved him was three weeks into my deployment. Losing him, it- I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you without ever-«

He stops the words pouring out, instead quietly shushing Jared, wiping away a tear that Jared didn’t notice falling from his eyes.

Why is he the one crying when Jensen is the one baring his soul?

He doesn’t ponder the question as Jensen wraps his arms around him, hugging him tight.

»I love you too,« Jared whispers into the crook of Jensen’s neck.

  
  


»I’m just, uh, gonna come back later, JT.«

The voice makes Jensen try to scramble out of Jared’s arms and drop to his knees, but Jared won’t let him.

Mumbles “It’s okay” into his ear while he keeps his arms around Jensen, not as tight as before but still possessive.

Protective.

Safe.

»Matt?«

Jensen keeps his face hidden against Jared’s chest, feels it rise with each breath he takes.

He hears the other guy, Matt, shuffle his feet.

He doesn’t sound disgusted, more like he is confused. »Yeah?«

»Go sit down?«

Jared’s voice is still soft and he is gently stroking Jensen’s back.

Probably doesn’t even know he is doing it.

Jensen smiles.

There is a small thump as Matt sits down on the bed.

Jared unwraps his arms from Jensen and takes a small step back, the hand from his back moving to wrap around his.

Jensen lifts his head and looks at Matt.

 

He finds a dark haired young man lounging on the edge, leaning back a little and regarding them with a fond expression.

What surprises him though is the black collar around his neck.

The collar and the way he still speaks to Jared like they are equals.

»Either this is some serious love at first sight or you got some ‘splaining to do, JT.«

And Jared laughs.

Not a chuckle or a huff, a real, full belly laugh.

Jensen missed that sound.

Missed it so much.

He can’t help but join in, even if only for a second.

»Matt, this is Jensen. Jensen, this is Matt, a friend of mine.«

»Hello Matt,« Jensen greets a little shyly as he watches Matt’s jaw drop.

»That’s Jensen? That’s ‘His eyes are so green and his cock is so big, love of my life’ Jensen? Damn.«

Now it is Jensen’s turn to have his jaw drop.

Jared let’s out an indignant squawk and turns beet red.

»How do you…?« Jensen asks, not sure what to make of the whole exchange. Especially the part about his penis.

»Dude, uh, Prince? JT has been talking about you a lot. Mostly when he’s too drunk and tired to really watch what he is saying. In everyday life you are his best kept secret but after a few glasses of wine… Well, let’s just say that I have tucked him into bed while listening to stories about you more times than I can count.«

»Oh God,« Jared mutters.

Jensen can’t help but smirk.

»I’m sorry.«

Jared’s breath puffs against the shell of his ear and Jensen shivers.

»Unless you brought me here to watch you two or even participate I’d appreciate if you could tell me what’s so urgent that you needed to talk to me  _ tonight _ .«

»Right...« Jared takes a deep breath, the hold on Jensen’s hand minimally tightening.

»I need your help to overthrow our government.«

Matt blinks and then turns to Jensen.

»Wow. Your cock must be  _ really  _ big.«

Jared throws him a glance and Matt puts his hands up in a placating gesture, expression turning serious.

»I’m sorry, that was out of line. But really, you never wanted power, you never strived to rule, so why now?«

»Because I finally realized that things can’t continue like this.«

»You mean you finally grew the balls to admit to yourself that you could change them.«

Jensen watches the entire exchange fascinatedly.

It is like the collar around Matt’s neck doesn’t even exist.

Jared shrugs: »Or it might be that. The idea of ruling still terrifies me, but I know I am not going to be the sole ruler.«

He turns to Jensen, eyes soft.

»You want him to be King?« Matt asks, voice surprisingly void of judgement.

»He is King who wears the Crown. Think of it though, nothing would send a more positive signal in regards to the relationship between our countries than both of us reigning. Together,« Jared replies, still looking at Jensen.

Jensen doesn’t know how he feels anymore. In the last few hours his world has been turned upside down so many times that he doesn’t even know which way was up in the first place. All he knows is that right now his heart is nearly bursting with love for the man holding his hand.

»Stop quoting the law at me, sap.« Matt rumbles from the bed. There is no bite in his words.

»Apart from this wonderful idea do you have any kind of plan?«

»Not yet, I wasn't even sure I'd do this until a few minutes ago,« he turns to Matt. »You know what the consequences will be if this doesn’t work out. I know the punishment will be even worse for you and that I can’t ask y-«

»That is right, you can’t,« Matt cuts in and his voice turns into steel with the next words. »You shouldn’t ask that of me. You should already know that I’d follow you anywhere. They are my people too, you know? You don't need to ask. The answer will always be yes.«

**Author's Note:**

> R&R is highly appreciated :)  
> Love,  
> the shadowcat


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